i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
