She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
