dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
