Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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