I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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