There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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