Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
