wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
