Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
