Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
