Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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