when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
