New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
3pm strippers are depressing
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
