Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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