Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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