just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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