she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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