so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
