To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
