I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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