I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
