A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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