my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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