you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
