so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
