your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
