I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
