Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
