woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
