I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
