I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
