Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
