Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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