I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
