...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
