i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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