so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
