aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize