at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
