Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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