Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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