I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Randomize
