Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
