Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize