I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
