They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize