Pappa wants mamma naked
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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