what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
