You just made me feel so damn special
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Someone shit on the floor
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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