The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
