So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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