I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
