I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
