Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You pole danced in your parka.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
