Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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