Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
