Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
