I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
