so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize