false alarm. still invincible.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
