mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
