YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
