Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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