Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
