i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
