I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
