my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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